I feel guilty deviating from the norm.
When I eat a peanut butter cup, I need to get back on track. When I don't hit the gym at 7:00am Sunday, I need to workout. When a friend calls me up to get together, I'm thrown for a loop. It's not in the plan. I had other (work-related) things planned.
Creating your own moments is a disease.
I'm type A (which in itself is a disease). I have trouble "living in the moment". I'm always planning my next move, projecting goals into the future - whether it's tomorrow's to-do list or my 10-year goal of building a small house on a mountain-side. I have a plan for everything. And deviating from this plan is one of the hardest things I've tried to do.
Honestly, if I'm not in control of what I eat, how much sleep I get, what I'm doing on Sunday at 10:00am, I'm in an uncomfortable place. There's something else I'd probably rather be doing than being "in the moment".
It's hard to write about this.
I'm not proud of my ability to create moments. I'm jealous of people who live in the moment. Part of me wants to be them. But the other part of me says there's work to do: full-time gig, side projects exercising, writing, running two businesses. I enjoy it - don't get me wrong. But, I've found myself immersed in thought: new ideas, profit and loss statements, blog posts, online marketing, user acquisition, working out, eating raw kale salads. You name it. I've probably thought about it in the last ten minutes. (Don't get all dirty here).
When I'm with friends, I'm think about my businesses. When I'm enjoying a creemee, I think about customer acquisition. When I'm watching a movie, I work on my pitch deck.
I chose this life. In fact, I created it. I'm an entrepreneur, a builder, a cook, a photographer, a brother, and a son. It's who I am. I created my own life. But I don't live my own life.
There's a huge difference.
And it took the CEO of Twitter to kick-start a change in who I've created myself to be. A few weeks ago, Dick Costello was the commencement speaker at the University of Michigan (here's the speech). He talked about living in the moment. I know it was a speech to thousands, but I felt like it was a speech directly to me. He wanted me to hear it.
Watch the talk. If you're swallowed up in creating a routine life, it'll inspire you to start fresh (and it's funny, too). It reminded me to stop planning and start doing. Living. Making memories. Drowning brownies in hot fudge sauce, and going on hikes instead of working 70+ hours a week.
I need to take advantage of the fun ahead of me instead of trying to create the exact time I have fun.
Who's with me?