Yep. I did. Two nights ago. I sat at the dinner table (they had salmon, so clearly, I was coming over). The conversation fell silent and out came:
"I think I need to start taking sleeping pills."
I tend to do things like that - dramatically switch the subject. It was like normal conversation. Before my parents had the chance to ask why, I said "Because I wake up at 11:30pm, 1:30am, and 3:30am every night. I toss and turn. I'm exhausted with '8 hours of sleep.'"
I used to sleep like a rock. And I miss those days. I miss the days I could clock out at 11:00pm and sleep - uninterrupted - until 7:00am. Now, I get up at 5am without an alarm - even when I go to bed late.
I don't get it.
Before leaving for my apartment, my Dad placed a small container of sleeping pills in-front of me. I didn't take them. I wanted to figure it out for myself. Why wasn't I sleeping? What was the cause? I think it's one of three things:
1. Stress - I press myself to exhaustion every day by working 14-17 hours and getting up to to it all over again. I haven't woken up refreshed in probably six months.I realize I give myself lots to do, but I love what I do. My job, my companies, and the (limited) time with my friends.
2. Constant Thinking - I go to bed with my brain zooming. Mom says I need to try relaxation techniques, but I can't relax. At dinner tonight with family and friends, I caught my brain drifting to work and ideas. And then I'd return focus to the person telling the story. I don't want that. I want to be engaged in the conversation - not checking my phone every five minutes for emails from users (or potential users). I call this entrepreneurial aloofness. This didn't happen until before I had a SaaS app - there's so many working parts, how can you not stop thinking about it?
3. Sleeping Environment - my blinking computer tower is in my bedroom. So is my blinking smartphone (which I flipped over last night). I have no AC unit in yet so it's kind of hot in my apartment. I listen to music up until I go to bed (thanks Capital Cities for making such addictive songs). I think something needs to change. Either move the computer out of my bedroom or force myself to call it quits at 9:00pm and go read a book or magazine.
So that's where I'm at - continually getting the worst sleep of my life. I'm eating incredibly well, exercising 4 times a week, and taking my supplements. I don't want to add a sleeping pill to the pill cocktail.
Why did I even write this? This post has no value to you. You probably didn't learn anything. It's just me complaining I can't sleep anymore. I'm sorry. Sometimes, I just need to write my thoughts down for myself. I'll get back to regularly scheduled programming next week.
Have the most glorious weekend ever.